Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places, “Threat: Moralism,” 2005, Eugene H. Peterson

Theseus killing Procrustes, 570–560 BC

Procrustes had a house alongside a well-traveled road in Greece, a strategically placed bed-and-breakfast. Somewhat stout, he seemed an affable man with a gracious manner. He liked things clean and tidy. And he wanted his guests to leave his hospitable place better than when they arrived, looking like a perfectly proportioned Greek statue. Most days he could be seen sitting comfortably in his rocking chair on the porch of his house, smoking his pipe, welcoming travelers and offering them hospitality. Smoke from his pipe conveyed a homey fragrance and his beard was a reassuring grandfatherly white. The house was neat and well-kept. It looked like a safe haven to tired travelers. Most evenings there was a guest or two. After welcoming them and providing them dinner, Procrustes had a bed in his house that he described as having the unique property that it would exactly fit the frame of whoever slept in it. What Procrustes didn’t say was how this was the case: After his guests were fast asleep, Procrustes would enter their rooms and complete his hospitality. A short person would be stretched on a rack until he or she filled the bed; for a tall person whatever hung over of arms and legs would be cut off to fit the bed. Everyone was made over to fit the dimensions of the bed, either by stretching or by amputation. When his guests left the next morning, whether aching or hobbling, they measured to the dimensions of a perfect Greek.