Bag Ladies
Perhaps it’s indicative of the obscene amount of time I spend in elevators (one slow-as-molasses set to get from my parking garage to the ground floor, then another one up to my office building. Or, if I have to mail something, from my office building’s high-rise elevator to the low-rise elevators, then back again. It’s ridiculous) that elevator etiquette seems to be something vertical commuters these days know nothing about. There’s that “Can you hear me???” passenger every time, who believes that by yelling and crouching with a forward lean, service will magically come back. There are those obnoxious people who call out from a packed elevator to waiting people in the lobby using a mocking, singsong voice to say, “Sorry!” in a way that’s not at all sorry. There are women with very small children and very large strollers that bump and jostle you without a sidelong glance while their demonic children shriek at the top of their lungs or crawl up your pencil skirt. Then there are the large, burly men who muscle their way through an elevator and refuse to move back to create more space … or worse, move TOO far back and squish you into the corner with nary room to breathe.
However, there is nothing worse than the bag ladies.
I’m not talking about your typical plastic-bags-of-stuff-in-a-shopping-cart bag ladies; I’m talking about the women who crowd into an elevator carrying anywhere from three to as many as six bags. Yes, I shit you not — SIX bags.
Even as a girl, I find myself completely flummoxed when seeing these middle-aged women with their Coach and Chanel knockoffs and their ludicrous amount of bags. What could they possibly be carrying? I mean, I carry (at most) two bags — a lunch bag and a purse. I understand that some women are higher maintenance and need to carry their makeup as well … but that goes IN the purse, no? Realistically, no one runs around with a train case of cosmetics that they lug to and from the workplace, just to apply a full mask during lunch. So what gives?
The lady with six bags had one in each of these categories: purse, tote, lunch cooler (yes, it was an actual Igloo cooler), rolling backpack/file, laptop bag, and something similar to a hobo-style tote.
What the hell could be in those bags that she needs on a day-to-day basis? She was not an attorney (she didn’t get off at that floor) and certainly wasn’t dressed like an executive, with her big floozy hair and tight blouse. Lunch and purse, plus even a knitting bag or something, fine, but what about the rest? And I know she wasn’t traveling, since this wasn’t the first time she took up half the elevator with her many packages. It just blows my mind. No papers were sticking out, nothing looked particularly bulky … so what is it that these women carry?
What makes it even worse is that the bag ladies tend to be completely unconscious of how much room they take up and that often, their bags have sharp and/or pointy corners. Often, they’ll turn suddenly, readjust, or back up into you, stabbing you with their legal luggage, and make you so uncomfortable in the elevator as they wrestle in their many bags to search for their keys, cell phone, or makeup, depending on the time of day.
It’s unnecessary to carry more than two bags. Three if you have a small purse, lunch bag, and laptop. But consolidate! Or at least be aware that your hefty crap is inconveniencing others in tight, crammed spaces, and don’t hit people with your burdensome baggage. Please.